Normally I’d post this rant to my effyoucat blog. But a few months ago, a couple similar, somewhat more vulgar blogs called F***YouPenguin and F***YouCat went big time, and kind of sapped my will to snark about cats on my own humble, decidedly non-big-time blog. (It was humble, but pioneering in it’s own way, laying the groundwork for the proliferation of foul-mouthed animal blogs that was to come).
Anyway, that’s why I don’t post to EffYouCat anymore. Instead, I’ll complain about my cat here for you all to read. Corinne’s out of town for a couple more weeks, leaving me as the sole caretaker of our devil kitty, Yoko. We’ve already spent a couple weeks alone together, earlier in December, and I’m ready to admit something about Yoko. Ready? Here goes…I wouldn’t mind having her around except that she has:
- Claws
- A voicebox
- A social personality
If I could rip out her claws, her voicebox, and her trust in her human owners, I’d love that cat! Shoot, if I could do even one of those things, our icy relationship would thaw.
So, I guess what I’m saying is that there is a “perfect cat”–a Platonic ideal of what “cat” should be. And that perfect cat is mute, has no claws, doesn’t shed, and runs and hides under the bed whenever she sees me.
Someday I’ll find you and adopt you, perfect cat!
Awww come on you don’t realy mean that do you??? She’s such a pretty baby and looks great on your shoulder.Besides I have a weakness for black cat’s as my current friend twinkyhas been with me for many years and has the exaxct same personality you describe here.All teeth and claws to this day but old three fang is still a loyal companion…
I’m sorry to hear there will be no more posts to effyoucat. Every time I’m driving through my neighborhood and a cat runs in front of my car, I think, “eff you cat!” And I’m reminded to check for recent posts.
I grew up with cats and enjoyed antagonizing the cats we had around that were less than social. Now as an adult my house is cat free, and my issue with cats is that you never know what you’re dealing with until they are either rubbing up against your leg, turning their nose at you, or hissing at you. The perfect cat for me is a cat that acts like a dog: comes when it’s called, doesn’t have a stuck up attitude, and can be taught to use a toilet. Just kidding on that last one (Mr. Jingles), although that would be nice.
Thanks for the great post.
Check out f***youcat and -penguin, Trent…if you enjoy cursing at cuddly little animals, you’ll probably like it
Wow, that is one ugly cat. And some really, really long claws.
So basically you’d be happier with a goldfish. You had better be nice to my little cat while I’m gone….
i’ve only just now realized that you migrated to wordpress, as kyle’s brain feed hasn’t made a peep in my google reader since 9/28/09. which means maybe i’m not the only RSS subscriber who simply assumed that the new kid/new job/holidays were keeping you away? anyway, so you know. happy new year!
Same to you, Jen! Thanks for manually typing the URL once in a while!